Posts Tagged ‘holiday’
Some people are very fortunate and get along very well with their families. However, if you are like most people, there’s at least one person that often causes stress and dampens your fun. If you can’t avoid these individuals, think about topics you can bring up that are less likely to lead to anger or hurt feelings. Try to seat yourself away from them at the dinner and seek out those with whom you have more harmonious relationships. Avoid bringing up these topics and if they are brought up by someone else either try to change the topic, excuse yourself for the rest room or a drink refill. Although it may be very difficult to hold your tongue on passionate topics, take the high road and divert. Remember that it takes at least two people to argue – don’t be one of them. In general avoid topics like politics and religion. Avoid bringing up the past as ammunition, period.
One year there was such a heated discussion at a party I attended that the next year the host put up a sign on the front door that read something like “No Political Discussions Allowed.” The party that year was infinitely more cheerful.
If you don’t mind getting into heated discussions, remember that others may be uncomfortable and might want this advice to deal with you. Be respectful. And recognize the difference between your opinion and fact.
THE LIST:
1. Be pleasant and don’t avoid people at high risk, but focus more on other people.
2. Seat yourself away from argumentative people, particularly at dinner.
3. Generally, avoid political or religious topics unless your views will be respected. It’s okay to disagree and discuss in a respectful way.
4. Hold your tongue with argumentative opinionated people.
5. Agree to Disagree before it gets too heated.
6. Excuse yourself if it gets uncomfortable.
7. It takes two to argue. Don’t be one of them.
8. Be able to delineate between a stimulating discussion and an uncomfortable argument.
9. Avoid bringing up the past as ammunition.
10. Change the topic even if it’s about the weather (but try to be more creative).
Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D.
author of “Active Relaxation: How to Increase Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety”
Even though making a list may take you extra time, it will save some time and stress in the long run. Get some sticky note strips (or cut strips from standard stickies) and write each task from your list on a different strip. A nice option is to put your errands in a different color AND put the tasks that could be fun in your favorite color (e.g., baking cookies, decorating, parties). Consider putting relaxing or fun activities that aren’t productive on your favorite colored stickies as an incentive.
Now place the items you want to accomplish today (or tomorrow if you’re reading this late) in a different place AND put them in the order in which you want to accomplish them. Put the remaining items aside until tomorrow, but feel free to add new notes to that list as tasks are added.
Take off one note at a time to help you to be in the moment rather than worrying about other items you couldn’t possibly be doing now. Take one list item at a time. Whether you have 3 things, 30 things, or 300 things you can only do one at a time (or occasionally 2). To celebrate, do the traditional scratch off, move the accomplished stickies to a different spot to see what you’ve accomplished, or my favorite, crumple and toss.
by Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D. - author of “Active Relaxation: How to Increase Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety”
In addition to all of the usual things that we have on our plates (e.g. paying bills, writing blogs (HA!), going to work, laundry) this time of year we have gifts to buy and wrap, family functions to negotiate and attend/host, decorations to display, holiday cards to write, cookies to bake, and holiday parties to attend. It can be overwhelming and tiring!
Take a moment to think about the things you intend to do over the holidays. Which ones can be enjoyable? If you think about it, almost all of the holiday additions to our “to do list” are things that at least some people really enjoy. There are people who enjoy shopping, some enjoy baking cookies, some enjoy writing holiday cards, some enjoy wrapping presents, some enjoy planning a party, and most people enjoy attending parties. Take a moment to reflect on happy moments from seasons past and visualize future activities as being positive.
When the holidays overwhelm, there is a tendency to dread even the most enjoyable activities because it’s “one more thing” on your list. Don’t turn your fun holiday tasks and events into chores! Look forward to these events as a positive break from the things that truly are chores. Of the things that you genuinely dislike think about whether you can delegate , skip it (e.g. will the world come to a crashing end if you don’t mail out cards?!), or find a way to make them more pleasant (e.g., limit your card recipient list and while writing cards turn on holiday music and enjoy a cup of cheer).
by Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D. author of “Active Relaxation: How to Increase Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety.”
