Don’t Fall Prey to The Abstinence Violation Effect (AVE)

AVE is when you make a slip and then completely abandon a goal. So for instance, you quit smoking having puffed your last fag at 11:58 on New Year’s Eve and manage to keep from smoking until February 10th. On that date, you go out with a friend who smokes and you have a couple drinks. He smokes the same brand and it looks so good. Your defenses are down and that chemical reaction from the alcohol makes you crave it all the more, so you smoke. As you take those last couple drags you think, “I’ve blown it. I’m a failure and I’m doomed to smoke for the rest of my life” and you immediately go back to the pack a day plus habit.

To avoid falling prey to the AVE, distinguish between a lapse and a relapse. A lapse is a slip and should be considered temporary and human. A relapse is more than a slip. It’s a fall because it is followed by a decision to go back to your old habits, abandoning hope to succeed at your goal. Remember that a lapse does not need to become a relapse.

If you have sworn to only eat sweets on the weekends and you eat a brownie on a Tuesday night, don’t eat 2 more and give up the goal. Tell yourself something like this: “I’ve done really well up until this point and I’m going to continue to do well from here on out. I’m human and had a temporary lapse. I’m not going to relapse. Instead I’m going right back to keeping the resolution.”

Tweak Your Goal if Needed

If you decide that you can’t or don’t want to meet your resolution because it’s just too difficult, rather than abandoning the goal, change it. So, for instance, let’s say that you decide you are going to keep to a budget of $400/month for everything except your rent, utilities, car expenses, and groceries. Then in the last week of the first month you feel you have been pretty good, but have to pass up social plans or a good buy on some shoes and you start to feel frustrated and deprived. Rather than giving up the idea of a budget, loosen it. Maybe $125/week is more reasonable. (Tweaking a goal is not typically recommended for addictions.)

Want vs. Need

We are generally more motivated to do something that we “want to do” rather than something we feel like we “need to do.” So rather than telling yourself that you need to lose weight or you need to go to the gym, think “I want to be thinner” or “I want to get into good shape and I want to feel that sense of well-being after a good workout.”

For continued support w/quick tips to keep your resolution – “LIKE” my FB Active Relaxation Page in the side bar to your right.

Best of Luck with your New Year’s Resolutions and have a Very Happy New Year!
Jennifer
Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D. author of “Active Relaxation“

HOW TO KEEP YOUR RESOLUTION:

Self-Monitor

Studies show that we are much more likely to meet goals if we monitor them. This helps to hold you accountable and each time you meet the goal and write it out it can be reinforcing. I suggest something very simple, like writing in your calendar YES or NO.

Alternatively, you can make a two or three column sheet that you print out or keep in your computer, Blackberry, or iPhone. In the first column write the date and in the second column write whether you kept the goal by writing YES/NO. In the remaining columns you could write the number of minutes, what type of exercise you did, the number of carbs you ate, etc. If you make the monitoring too complex, it may make your resolution harder to keep.

Share Your Goal and Enlist Support

We are more likely to keep a goal if we tell other people that we are going to meet it. Be positive in your presentation. Also, tell them how they can support you. Only engage people who are positive and supportive. Consider finding someone else who also wants support to keep a goal and keep each other informed of your progress.

The following is an example of an e-mail someone might send out:

Dear Bob, Jill, Grace, and Nick,

Thanks so much and Happy New Year,
Liz

Another Example

To my smoker friends,

Cheers!
Rick

Money Talks

We are more than three times more likely to keep a resolution if money is on the line. The best way to do this is to find one or more friends who are looking to make a resolution and agree to put money into it. You could pay each other for each slip or make it competitive such that the winner takes each monthly contribution. Alternatively, put money into a fund and if someone fails they lose their money to those who keep the resolution. If everyone sticks to it, agree to spend the money together doing something rewarding. This could be at the end of the year, the end of the quarter, or even the end of each month.

If you can’t find a friend who will do this, try StickK.com. You pay them only when you mess up your goal and the proceeds go to a charity of your choice. Add motivation by choosing an “anti-charity,” i.e. a charity that you are against. A compromise is to choose a charity that is somewhat neutral. StickK.com helps you to keep your resolution in other ways too.

By Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D.
author of Active Relaxation: How to Increase Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety

How many New Year’s Resolutions have you made over the years?  How many have you kept?  Over 85% of people make a resolution.  By February 1st about 30% of people have already ditched the commitment, by July 1st 80% have given up, and only about 6% keep their resolution to the end of the year.  The first steps in keeping your resolution is to make a resolution that is specific and within reach (i.e. don’t make it too difficult).  Part two of this series provides strategies to keep your goal.

Be Specific

I hear a lot of people saying they are going to “exercise more” or “eat healthier” this year.  I heard someone say “I’m going to play more golf with my dad this year.” These resolutions are too general.  Be specific in your goal, otherwise you’re really not making a commitment and significant change is unlikely.

For instance, if you want to play more golf with your dad this year, consider how many times you played last year.  If you only played together twice, committing to at least 5 times is probably attainable, while 10 may be overly ambitious. Other examples of specific goals are: Exercise for at least 30 minutes three times/wk; Have the house clean before bed; Read one book/month.

Make a specific plan to keep your resolution.  If the golf example were your resolution, you may decide to commit to the first Saturday of the month in April through October.  Instead, you might choose to write yourself reminders to schedule at least one date the following month.

Make it Attainable

Some people set their sights too high.  For example, someone who is sedentary and complains that they have no free time is unlikely to succeed with a New Year’s resolution to exercise for at least an hour daily. Three to four times/week for 30 minutes is much more attainable.

Instead of promising yourself to have the house clean before you go to bed each night, you could decide that it will be clean every Sunday night.  Or you could commit to having one or two rooms clean before bed each night. Similarly, my successful resolution one year was to straighten the house for 10 minutes everyday.

If you make a resolution that’s too difficult, you’re likely to join the ranks of the 80% who completely abandon their goal before July 1^st.  It’s much better to succeed with a meager to moderate goal, than fail at a high goal.  For example, it’s better to have two rooms consistently clean than have your whole house clean for a couple of months only to abandon it and go back to a completely messy house before March.

The key is being honest with yourself about what you think you will be able to do.  For instance, are you really going to count the number of carbs you ingest for the next 365 days?  Finally, remember that meeting just one resolution is going to be easier than trying to keep more than one.  If you insist on making more than one, the importance of keeping them simple and attainable is even more important.  Alternatively, prioritize your goals and start with the most important one.  If you’re able to keep that one, add one a month.

Check in after the first of the year for advice on how to keep your New Year’s Resolution.

Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D.

author of “Active Relaxation: How to Increase Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety”

www.activerelaxationthebook.com