Most of us have people in our lives with whom we would like to spend more time.  You may have aging parents, a recently divorced friend, children, or someone else that you feel hasn’t been receiving as much of your attention as you’d like.  Whether your wish to devote more to them is out of duty, desire, or both, consider increasing quality time instead of putting in more hours per se.  Sometimes more time is not necessarily better.  For example, think about when you were a kid. Was it better for a parent to be home most of the day, but not playing with you and only talking to you out of necessity OR was it better if they played a game involving their full attention for 30-45 minutes, even if they weren’t at home for very long?

Let’s say that Bill feels compelled to spend time with his grandmother. So on a Saturday afternoon he goes over to her house and watches TV with her.  Occasionally they comment on a commercial or a situation on the show, but mostly he’s catching up with e-mails, texting, and otherwise playing on his Blackberry. He stays for almost three hours out of duty, even though he truly cares about his grandmother. Bill leaves thinking he spent his valuable time with her, yet they had no quality time together.  Bill’s grandmother feels disappointed after he leaves and he doesn’t look forward to going back.

My advice to Bill….Turn off the TV and the Blackberry and spend an hour or so of quality time by having an engaging conversation over coffee, looking at family photos, playing cards, or taking her to lunch. He’ll probably feel better about truly spending time with her, she’ll feel more gratified, and he won’t feel stuck all afternoon.

Think about the important people in your life with whom you spend too little quality time.  Instead of “punching a mental time-clock” think about being fully engaged, even if it’s for a shorter period of time.

Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D.

author of “Active Relaxation: How to Increase Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety”