Most people worry because they are trying to increase the likelihood that good things will happen and decrease the likelihood that bad things will happen. Yet, worry does the opposite. Obviously, it leads to useless anxiety and that’s a bad thing. Research by Michel Dugas and his colleagues found that worriers have the ability to problem solve as well as their more relaxed peers. However, anxious people tend to have myopic vision when faced with problems. In other words, their mental focus is limited to the extent that they miss options that might help them to solve their problems better.

Likewise, think about when you have your best ideas and creative insights. How often do they occur when you’re really stressed? If you’re like most people, your best ideas come when you’re relaxed and often when you’re not even trying to find a solution. So, first de-stress, then fix your mess.

Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D.
author of “Active Relaxation: How to Increase Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety.”

Have you noticed yourself and others overusing the word “hate.” Be mindful of how often you use this word and whether it’s really accurate. I believe that we feel what we say, even when we don’t really mean what we say. When you say that you “hate” something or someone when the reality is that you “dislike it,” you may be feeling unnecessary anger or unrest. If there is someone that you are having difficulty forgiving – think about using “dislike” instead of “hate” to think about them. It may also be helpful to think about something you like about them.

On a personal note, I have made an effort over the past few years to reserve the word “hate” for things that I really loathe. I have probably cut the use of it by more than half and I do think it has had a positive impact on my life.
Peace out!

Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D.
author of the book: Active Relaxation, How to Increase Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety.


Okay, yes! There are certainly somedays that seem like everything has gone wrong and you think “this is a BAD DAY.” But, this is not accurate. Even on days that many trying things happen there are also many things that go right. Little things that you take for granted like your car started – that you have clean clothes – that you have running water – your watch didn’t stop, etc. When you feel like your day is bad, you stop seeing the good in it and will miss positive things. Consider the following:
1. If you didn’t have difficult days, you wouldn’t appreciate the easier and better ones as much.
2. You probably learn more from the difficult days than from the easy ones.
3. When you are having “one of those days” Do something nice for yourself or even better, do something nice for someone else. Maybe do both!
4. Sometimes things that first seem bad, end up being great. Like the people who met when they got into a car wreck and ended up getting married. Or like my friend who lost his job and ended up getting a job he liked much better that is way closer to home.
5. When you feel like you’re having a bad day – look at how many hours you have left for it to change.
6. Look forward to tomorrow being a better day.
7. The Serenity Prayer – especially “accept the things you cannot change.” (courage to change is in #5)
8. As suggested earlier, start making a list of all of the things that could have gone wrong and didn’t.
9. Similarly – think about 5 things for which you’re thankful.
10. Create your own! Feel free to share it.

By Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D.
author of Active Relaxation: How to Increase Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety

instead of what you don’t want. I was at a pool yesterday and was impressed when a father said firmly, without yelling “walk” when his boys were running. And they did exactly that. I’m so accustomed to hearing parents shouting “DON’T RUN!”

When you tell someone to “not do something” they think about what it is you want them to “not do,” instead of thinking about what it is that you want them to do. This is particularly important in parenting, because children usually want to do what they are told not to do. Although in this case it is pretty obvious to a child that the parent wants him or her to walk when shouting “don’t run” in many other cases it may not be apparent.

Another example of this that I remember is when my cousin was trying to teach a friend how to ski. He kept telling them “don’t pull your arms in.” I retorted “keep your arms straight.” Not only was I telling them the right thing to do, it’s not critical and it’s more encouraging and positive.

by Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D.
author of Active Relaxation: How to Increase Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety
www.activerelaxationthebook.com

Anxiety and Stress occur in a spiral of interactions between thoughts, images, physical sensations, behaviors, and emotions. Not everyone experiences all five, but everyone does experience a similar pattern each time they spiral. Relaxation, Better But Believable Thoughts (see my post dated Feb 3), and most coping strategies are useless once your spiral has gained momentum. In fact, researchers at Penn State found that coping strategies did little more than talk therapy to alleviate worry and anxiety. In a follow up study, they taught anxious individuals to prevent their worry spirals from getting out of control by catching them early and found that most all were able to successfully reduce anxiety and worry substantially and enjoy a more relaxed life.

I suggest that you use mindfulness and other relaxation strategies I’ve covered in previous posts several times/day. Use post-it notes or other reminders because we typically don’t recognize stress until it has gained some momentum. Use the strategies without stopping your flow of activity. So for instance, you can feel the surfaces beneath you and continue to read this post, make phone calls, type, or engage in just about any activity.

Check back soon for other ideas on how to nip your anxiety in the bud.

Dr. Jennifer L. Abel
author of: Active Relaxation: How to Increase your Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety.
www.activerelaxationthebook.com

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Corruption by Italian leaders and the mafia has led to Italians’ recognition that little can be trusted. How negative! Wait! Let’s not judge this as being completely a “bad thing.” Because one positive result is that Italians are less likely to be taken advantage of and thereby less likely to reinforce those who are dishonest. But a more interesting advantage is that Italians tend to feel that the only thing that they can trust for sure is what they experience with their own senses. At least this is what Luigi Barzini, author of The Italians, believes. He says that Italians expect people in business and government to be dishonest and corrupt, but that they have high expectations for their musicians, barristas, cooks, wine-makers, tailors, craftsman, ballerinas, actors, and directors.

So there are two “take-aways” from today’s blog:

1. 1. Be careful about judging things as being “bad” because many positive things can come from tragedy and other seemingly negative things in life.
2. 2. Live like an Italian. Get out of your mind and into your senses much more often. Be in touch with your senses on a day to day basis. Take time to savor the aromas, flavor and texture of food, wine, coffee, etc. Really listen to the subtleties of music and the sounds of nature. Enjoy the sounds, sights, physical sensation, and smell of nature.

By Dr. Jennifer L. Abel

Cognitive Therapy is based on the fact that what we think affects our mood.  Thinking negative thoughts can lead to depression, anxiety, guilt, and other unnecessary and uncomfortable emotions such as frustration and embarrassment.

Many psychologists have designed elaborate programs of identifying the type of negative thought, looking up a specific anecdote thought, and writing out the new thought. These methods can be cumbersome enough to cause someone to give up on trying to change their thoughts.

When people try to change their negative thinking, the mistake most make is to think the most positive thing they can imagine. Positive thinking, in and of itself, is often useless, even frustrating.  WHY?  Because the most positive thought typically isn’t true.  Trying to change the thought creates more tension and when it doesn’t work it can cause frustration. So for instance, someone is worried about getting laid-off and then they think “I’m sure I won’t get laid off.” That won’t help them feel better because there is no guarantee that a job is completely safe.

My solution…A method of cognitive therapy that is both simple and effective.  When having negative thoughts, think of something Better But Believable (B3). So in the case of the worried employee this is just one example of a string of thoughts that are better but believable:  “Worrying won’t help me to keep my job and if I am laid off I can collect unemployment and catch up on some personal stuff until I find something else. I will survive. It’s even possible I’ll find a job that’s better.”

by Dr. Jennifer L. Abel

author of: “Active Relaxation: How to Increase your Productivity and Achieve Balance by Decreasing Stress and Anxiety.”